Golden Years

At age 18, I found my dream job.  BYU is pretty famous for hiring an obscene number of students for everything from broadcasting on a national TV station to servicing the portable toilets at track meets.  I liked working the 6 to 10 AM custodial shift at the LDS Missionary Training Center for several reasons:

1. Before 10:30 AM, I am literally the worst person I have ever met ever, so it was the perfect opportunity to learn to act cheerful when my initial response to any human interaction was to curse their dog, their roommate, and their ancestors with a very nasty case of head lice.

2.  I got to wear a name tag, thus enabling me to play "Sister Missionary" for four hours a day, Monday through Friday.

3.  Being a custodian is like a how to class on becoming domestic, which is absolutely essential for any female BYU student.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:MTC_entrance.JPG

I know it doesn't get a lot of glory, but a custodial position at the MTC is basically one of the greatest jobs ever.  For starters, you get to use a walkie-talkie, which makes you feel like a total secret agent, especially when you're asking about deliveries of chemicals such as "Foamy Q&A," "Bio-Bowl," and "Consume."  Seriously, in custodial speak, cleaning toilets sounds like biological warfare (which, on second thought, might not be that far off).

Secondly, in the basement of 18M, there are three celestlial vending machines of glory.  Located within these shining edifices are crunchy donuts, Welches' Fruit Snacks, and (of course) Pop Tarts.  This became our Mecca. All we needed was a simple "I need a 49 on a PTF" (Pop Tart Fiesta) and we knew relief was on it's way for the low low price of 85 cents.

Best of all, you get paid to JOY WATER the entrance ways!  That's right--Joy Water.  Imagine rainbows, glitter, singing fairies, fat, dancing babies, and you have something that is nothing like Joy Watering.  Still, the name is phenomenal.  We actually had a joy water dance it was that inspiring.

And thus we see how at the tender age of 19, Sarah has already passed the golden years of her professional career.